Relationships Die Without Commitment

Last night’s topic at the feast is about “commitment” so expect that I will bombard you with notes about commitment the entire week

According to Webster, “Commitment is a pledge, a promise or an obligation.”

The first point from brother Jan Silan’s talk last night is, “Relationships die without commitment” I stopped for a moment when I heard that then I just said to myself, “True, I am glad I attended the feast tonight. Something is coming my way”

I’ve been pondering about the complex relationship between a single mom and the father of their child. It’s sardonic because we separate or divorce due to irreconcilable differences, but then we’re still forced to have a relationship with them for the rest of our life. We need to reinvent the current relationship and mold it into a peaceful and harmonious union, something that wasn’t so easy to do after all the pain that we’ve been through.

In my personal experience, breaking up and letting go are two things that’s very hard to do. It is even harder when there is a child involved. I’ve had my fair share of heartaches, but this heartbreak was one of those excruciating breaks. The kind that brings you to your knees, gives you tummy twitch, fractures your heart, and makes it hard for you to breathe.

So what if the father is not committed with co-parenting? What if we thought we were able to reinvent the current relationship, but found out that it is a relationship without commitment? That the other party is not committed at all, meaning the relationship is not there after all; it is indeed dead. This means that I have to be committed to my son twice as I should be. I need to be committed to him as a mother and as a father, more so, as a friend. Being a single mom is not an excuse not to be committed, for me it is another reason to be. I must admit, there were times when I sincerely wish that I could reconcile with the Father of my kid, but there is a reason we aren’t together. If I force it, one way or another we might hurt each other, more so, we might hurt our child; something I couldn’t bare. That’s why I have to trust in God and his will for me. I don’t play the blame game because it takes two to tango, two to have a relationship and two to break it. The pain subsided but there are days when it is fresh and raw and reality sets in. On those days I have to remember that my partner is God. I know God is committed to me. Would I like an earthly partner? Of course, but I know God has to finish his work on me first. I know in God’s time he will give me the perfect match partner that will be committed to us and to God.

I’m single for a reason. God is utilizing me for his purpose right now. He knows where my focus needs to be and he will not allow anything to interfere. This is the season in my life that I need to focus on my work for God and for my son. This is the time where I need to be committed to my son. This is also my time to be committed to grow spiritually. I think the Lord is preparing me for my life work and maybe even for my partner that he will give on his time and according to his plan. See, God loves to get us prepared. Our trials and experiences are all part of his master plan for our lives. He enables us to be broken so we can be made whole.

I’m learning to be contented in my state of affairs and to embrace the season I’m experiencing. I slowly understand what it means to be still and listen to God. I understand how futile it is to worry and to have regrets and rehash the past because God is in control of everything. I’ve learned that he will take care of me and addy when I submit willingly and depend on him for my every need. He has taught me to be confident in my faith and have courage through him. I am learning the art of letting go and releasing people, places, and things that can no longer serve me or my purpose. I’m accepting my vulnerabilities, I’m allowing the tears to flow and I’m placing myself completely in his hands. The most important realization is I am committed not only in giving my son the things that he needs and deserves but also I am committed to my creator who loves me and my son unconditionally.

Thank you Makati Feast

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